fivecats journal

Ani
April 2010 Outside Raleighwood, NC
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In an as-of-yet still unfinished letter to sakkijarvi I've written

"While LJ has not been abandoned, I've all but dropped it of late. This is largely because every time I think about writing something there, all I end up wanting to write about is my cat, Ani, and how -- despite all expectations -- she's still alive, still getting around as well as ever, she's still eating, drinking water, etc. All this despite having a growing number of open cancer sore running up her front right leg (parts of that leg are swollen to almost twice the size of the other) I've had other stories come to mind that I'd like to write up for LJ, but every time open the LJ app to write, I think of Ani and that's all that wants to come out"

I have always loved and respected Ani, but never more so than these past months. She has endured great pain and done so with more grace and a steadfast intent to have it impact her life as little as possible. In the early evening she seeks me out, wanting me to go to bed with her, wanting to have some time away from the other cats, alone with me. It's hardly that much to ask.

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Ani
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I have not always been a cat lover.

Growing up, I always had dogs around me. Our wired haired terrier, Ginger, was brought into the family when I was too young to remember so it seemed to me that she was always there. After Ginger died when I was an early teenager, my mother had a succession of Shelties, through a friend and local breeder.

I not only considered myself A Dog Person, but I had also accepted my fathers prejudice against cats as gospel: "Kittens are nice, but they turn into cats."

During our first conversation together, I apparently mentioned this uninformed prejudice to Bonn. Later, she told me her first thought was, "Well, that's the first thing that has to change."

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Tell someone special to you how important they are to you. The time we have together is so brief, so hard to grasp. It's like trying to hold on to smoke...

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