Uh Oh...

[fivecats]

Self Portrait
March 2010 Greensboro, NC
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"Uh oh."

A few minutes earlier Bonn had shooed me out of the kitchen, along with Maggie, so she could mop the floor. She has a low tolerance for dirt on the formerly white linoleum and her solution typically involves a little bit of water and lots and lots of bleach. Or maybe it's just that the bleach is one of the few things that I can smell so I assume it must be there in large amounts.

The sound of a random "Uh oh" is enough to get me to perk my ears up. A single "uh oh" isn't cause for much alarm. Lots of things can generate a lone "uh oh." It's only when it's followed by a second "uh oh" that anything akin to Worry starts to set in for me.

"Uh oh," Bonn said again, this time with a bit more UhOhness to her voice. It wasn't exactly concern, but something on the verge of hinting This Could Be Really Bad.

I prepared Maggie for the possibility of having to get down from my lap. This is not such an easy thing to do for, to Maggie, Everything Belongs to Her, including (and especially) my lap. And, having just settled down into it only a few minutes before, she had some very serious napping ahead of her and that did not in any way involve getting down from my lap, thankyouverymuch.

"Oh no!"

Two "Uh oh"s followed by a "Oh no!" is the Triple Dog Dare of Something Bad This Way Has Already Arrived and You Better Get Out There FAST.

Maggie officially lodged her very annoyed complaint and I went out to see what had happened.

All of which is a

Our kitchen faucet -- probably original to the 1969 construction -- was a single handle, hot/cold mix arrangement. The faucet reached over the sink at a slightly upward-tilting angle and was often a bit difficult to work with when trying to angle certain things underneath it to fill them with water.

Certain things like large pots for pasta, or, say, buckets half-filled with bleach.

By "lifting" the faucet up "slightly" Bonn had managed to snap the faucet clean away from the lower solder point to the main stem. If she pushed it down there was only an "Uh oh!" quantity of water leaking from the no-longer-connected faucet. If she let the faucet hand there on its own, there was an "Oh no!" quantity of water gushing in all directions.

All in all, it could have been considerably worse. There are water shut off valves under the sink (which meant I didn't have to climb under the house to shut off the main water supply) and I've changed out water faucets before. It was even early enough that we could go out and get a new faucet that evening, once the old one was removed.

I crawled under the sink and looked around. I understood how most of it worked without having to think about it... but I've never taken out one of those single-handle faucets. Just how the heck were they attached to the sink? I took a look at the faucet itself, expecting to see an opening for a screwdriver or an allen wrench, but there were none.

While I collected tools, Bonn collected various Home Repair Guide books that we've picked up throughout the years. While I cramped my long arms and hands into the tight space, she explained how easy it was, according to the helpful illustrations and photos. She described fittings and washers and plastic bolts that were easily accessible could be undone with very little effort. Only none of those things were under our sink, connected to our single-handle faucet.

After disconnecting the hot & cold water hoses and not receiving the much hoped for divine insight as to exactly what was holding that fecking faucet in place, I took a break and sent to The Internets. There I found several helpful videos, all of which were designed to make a non-plumber like myself feel like he was good enough, smart enough (and dog-gone it, people like me!) to do this simple household improvement task. Unfortunately, none of them dealt with how to crack open the old faucet or rip it out from underneath the sink.

When I returned to the kitchen, Bonn was up to her torso under the sink. "This doesn't look anything like what I've seen," she said.

If we had lots of money I would have said, "Let's call a plumber." If I had lots of money and room under the sink I would have swung a hammer at the exposed copper pipes and whacked it out of place, leaving an even bigger hole in the top of the sink where a faucet is supposed to go.

Instead, I concentrated on attacking the semi-circular washer-like thing that seemed to be corralling all of the various copper pipes together. With a carpet tack strip removal tool I managed to pry the semi washer away from the underside of the sink enough to get a pair of lock pliers on it. From there I was able to twist it down and away, which helped to expose a long screw cover that the copper pipes were all but hiding. With that screw cover removed, I was able to strip the semi-washer down over the screw and extract the Cthulhu-like faucet from it's hold on our sink.

It was hedging towards 9pm by the time I claimed victory over the copper-tenticled beast. With our local DIY stores closing down and no water in the kitchen to work with, we decided to cap off the evening with some Chinese Take-Away from our favorite, local spot.

On the way there, Bonn grew quite indignant. "Those books all make it look like everything is so simple to do!" she complained. "What we had wasn't even listed in any of the books."

A-yep.

So, yesterday the new faucet was installed. The instructions called for 45 minutes, but I was done in less than 20. I knew the underside workings of that sink area pretty danged well. Besides, the new two-handle faucet made sense.

Just like the pictures in the books.

...

Comments

[toddpage.livejournal.com]

Hahah.

I love reading what you put before us. I'm glad you got everything to work.

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

it was a bit anticlimactic, i'm afraid, but at least it had a happy ending!

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[basefinder.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. I've replaced a few faucets, each time a new and different adventure that did not match the manuals.

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

the worst bit was that the new faucet came with a "how to uninstall your current faucet" booklet, filled with lots of helpful instructions and drawings... none of which matched ours either.

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[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

great image and great post

I love the quality of it, makes me feel like I was there, a fly on the wall witness.

cheers.

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

why, many thanks, munkeyman!

namaste backatcha.

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[abendstille.livejournal.com]

you are such a great story-teller! thanks for sharing

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

thanks -- i try. :)

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[zeppo-marx.livejournal.com]

Yes, all those "helpfull" sites show how to remove a recent-model item - assuming that your problem was with the cheap piece-o-crap item your builder installed 15 years ago. And they all look so neat and clean in the pictures too - not that mildewed, lime-encrusted, seized solid experience that you really have to deal with!

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

indeed. i even laughed at the pristine conditions under the sink in the one video. i think they were filming in a model showroom home. (as opposed to our kitchen with the dirty floor, the stacks of dishes and piles of pans all looming ominously around the sink)

that video suggested "removing all of the other pipes from the sink. this will allow you more room and easier access to things" which also made me laugh. ain't no way i was going to remove the disposal. and that wooden thing with slats that the former owner built for... well, i'm still not sure what he built it for but that's par for the course with just about anything in our house... forget that, too. i'm afraid it's the only thing holding together the splintered, formerly water-soaked plywood under the sink.

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[vavaverity.livejournal.com]

bravo!

[velvetink.livejournal.com]

oh great story!!!! never has under the sink looked like the instruction manuals...and that's a great mirror by the side of the road!.