28 in 28: Day 1 – Biggest Fear

[fivecats]

Nature Photographer
January 2010 Raleighwood, NC
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1. Your biggest fear

Well, cut to the chase whydontyou?

For more,

Back in 2005, I lost the job I had worked at for over six years. The drive home from that final meeting where I was told my position was being eliminated, was terrifying. I drove home in a panic, not knowing what or how to tell Bonn and not knowing what the next day/week/month was going to hold for us.

The artists we know are good, hardworking people who do what they love because they have a deep, soul insisting need to do so. They do this despite the knowledge (any popular myths to the contrary) that doing so will likely keep them just above the poverty level.

Most artists we know are able to continue doing their art either by living sparsely and/or by having a steady income from another source that supports their Art Habit. (Years ago, when I was teaching, Bonn would tell people at shows that making bangles helped to support my Teaching Habit) That was certainly the case with us, and when I lost my job, we lost the steady paycheck, as well as the health benefits that we very seriously needed.

We survived those months of unemployment, barely scratching out enough money to live on. Two extremely generous friends kept us afloat for those months, helping me to keep our home and medical benefits for my family.

It is no exaggeration to say that that event and those months of searching desperately for a job changed my life.

So, while lying beaten and bleeding, unloved, homeless and unwanted, slowly dying in a freezing cold, wet gutter sounds bad, that only involves me. Now that I'm married with a wife, kids, a house, and all of the responsibilities that go along with that, what happens to me is only as important as it's relationship to how it affects my family.

So, losing my job is now – and likely will be for the rest of my working years – the thing I fear the most.

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Comments

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

Oy, I hear your pain - but that's a beautiful image!

[fivecats.livejournal.com]

thanks. the only reason bonn allowed me to post it is because she feels her face is sufficiently obscured. :)

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[yes-rhade.livejournal.com]

Do not let your fear of losing your job overshadow and completely envelope you. You have a loving and supportive wife, a good family, and you don't want to lose that because all you can see is keeping your job. Being a good supporter and provider is an admirable trait, but also being a husband and friend needs just as much priority.

But I do have to say, I am pleased you have a job again and those darker days are behind you.